Amid the Candlelight
by Kittykatrosetta
Summary: By a wretched twist of fate, the Company's quest ends with only one fallen warrior. 12 mourning dwarves surround Kili's grave, some sharing words of grief, others standing silently amid the candlelight. At the nights end Fili and Thorin share confrontational confessions and Fili spends the night saying his last goodbye. This is a one-shot AU short story of Kili's funeral.
1. Amid the Candlelight

(AN: ^.^ Hey! Last year after DOS I had a horrible dream, and obviously I just had to write it up. Sorry not sorry. :'( All reviews/comments welcome!)

**I see Fire**

**Amid the Candlelight**

* * *

_The Line of Durin is not so easily beaten_

Have you ever seen a Dwarf cry? It is almost as extraordinary as a dragon himself, in that, those who witness it struggle between awe and terror. Had you ever a Dwarf friend, you would understand. They are prideful, stubborn son's of miners, who never waste empty displays of emotion when it will do no good. To see one cry, it can only mean something awful.

And Bilbo stood amongst 12 of these crying men. At first, all he wanted was to turn and run, far away from the Lonely Mountain, and the funeral on its cliff. He could hardly handle it; the emotional intensity hanging about the atmosphere was suffocating. He watched as 12 Dwarves, whom he had undergone an adventure with, who had faced the horrors of a Goblin Dungeon and survived with their skin, who fight with the courage and strength of 100 men, and who had aided in the slaying of a dragon, stood in a clumsy half-circle formation, and cried. It was terrifying.

But despite it all, Bilbo stayed. He had to; because he was crying as well. He joined the Dwarven Company morn one of their own. Kili Oakensheild was dead.

* * *

_To remind me of my promise, that I would return to her_

The night was young. 13 yellow candles, with crystal holders and alight with flame, stood clustered together atop a black slab of flat stone. On this stone were the following words, engraved with love and care:

_Here Lies Kili Oakenshield_

_Of the Durin Clan_

_A Prince, a Son, and a Brother._

_May His Spirit Guard the Hidden Door_

_Under the Watchful Eye of the Misty Mountain._

The Dwarves and Mr. Baggins surrounded the grave in a half-ring, facing the secret entrance to Erebor. For the first time, the entire company stood there together. The young Dwarf had fallen ill, infected by the poisons of a morgul arrow shaft. Thorin hadn't thought much of it (it was only after the company, excluding Kili, Fili, Oin and Bofur, sailed to the mountain that the poison was discovered). All Thorin knew was that Kili would prove a burden had he joined them to the mountain. Thorin couldn't risk missing Durin Day's light, even for the delicate dreams of his own kin. Fili stayed behind with his brother, as did Oin, who sacrificed his partaking in the opening of the mountain doors to provide medical assistance to Kili. Oin's place was "with the wounded". Bofur had simply slept in and missed the boat. Upon re-living the memory of his and Fili's argument that day, a single tear slipped from Thorin's eye.

The Dwarves stood in silence as Balin slowly walked to Kili's grave. He blinked at the stone, the words, and then faced the group. With shaking hands, Balin unfolded a yellowed parchment upon which was his scribbled speech. "Since he was but a young lad, Kili had always been...Reckle-" He choked on the words, took a deep breath, and continued. "Been reckless...I remember his love for sword...Um…" Balin stopped and covered his hand over his face. His shoulders were trembling. Dwalin broke away from the half circle and gently placed a hand on the white-haired Dwarf. "Allow me," he whispered, and Balin handed him the paper. When he uncovered his face, the feint candlelight revealed bloodshot eyes.

Balin looked out onto the horizon as Dwalin read for him. "I remember his love for sword play, and how he had always spoken of slaying the dragon, or reclaiming Erebor and his uncle's lost throne. Kili always had a passion for tales of adventure, so much so, in fact, that I believe he knew my stories better than I. Something he and his brother shared in common."

Thorin ceased listening to the eulogy and instead looked to Fili, the only one standing in shadows away from the candlelight's touch, furthest from Kili's grave. Fili hadn't uttered a sound since that morning, other than his instance of carrying Kili's grave, and that it had to be made of obsidian, the same stone as the talisman Des had given to Kili at the start of the journey. She worried about her youngest son's reckless impulses, and had him promise to stay safe and come home again. The Dwarvish runes "Return to Me" were engraved on that talisman, which had been broken in half at the forges. The half which read "to Me" was buried with Kili's body; the other was in Thorin's possession, so that it can be given back to Des. Thorin anguished in his anticipation for that moment, when he would have to tell his sister that her son was dead. That Fili and the talisman returned home, but Kili did not.

* * *

_I will carry him if I must_

One by one, the Dwarves and Mr. Bilbo left the mountain cliff, until only Thorin and Fili remained. The two stood in overwhelming silence before Kili's tomb, staring, thinking.

"I told you I would." Fili muttered eventually.

"What?" Thorin looked to his nephew, surprised by his voice, which came so suddenly after a day of silence. Had Fili spoken any softer, Thorin wouldn't have heard him over the whispering wind.

"I told you I would." Fili repeated. "That I would carry him," he didn't sound sad, but, rather, angry.

Thorin didn't answer. How could he? What would he say? He had abandoned Kili at Laketown for the sake of his quest. Fili pleaded that he re-think the decision; the two brothers were raised on stories of the mountain, taught to dream of the day they opened the doors at Thorin's side. To suddenly take that all away, especially so close to finally living it, was heart wrenching and cruel. Fili even offered to carry Kili if and when he could walk to longer. But when Thorin didn't budge, Fili stayed behind as well. Thorin refused his youngest nephew the one thing he wanted most in the world. Fili deserved to hate him for it.

"I told you I would carry him, and I did in the end, didn't I?" Fili had insisted on Kili's burial being by the mountain, at the hidden doors. Fili said that was what Kili wanted. And then Fili entered a period of silence, and his hand never left the casket during the climb.

"I had no other choice, Fili." Thorin uttered softly.

"Yes you did!" Fili shouted back. "There is always another choice uncle. You could have abandoned your precious Arkenstone." He spoke the name with hatred. "You could have saved hundreds of lives, let Smaug be! Or you could have let him come. Let me carry him." Tears began to fall down Fili's cheeks. Realizing he had just screamed at Thorin, Fili lowered his voice, "You could have prevented all of this. But you didn't."

"Fili, I'm-" Thorin began, but was interrupted.

"No! Do not tell me you are sorry. You cannot, because you are a king," Fili forced mockery into the word, "and would have thrown all of our lives away to get back your castle. You knew of the risks, the costs; the certainty that few of us would return. We all did, and yet, it didn't stop us. We followed you, but you were never a leader. You were a lost king, desperate to reclaim your mountain, determined to let nothing, nothing, stop you."

"Fili," Thorin tried again.

"How on earth did we think 13 Dwarves was enough to slay a dragon?!"

"What do you want me to say Fili!?" Thorin screamed, exasperated.

"That you understand! Why I'm angry!"

"I do! I do understand."

"No! You don't! And that's why; because you really don't understand. You, uncle, took us in. You raised us, taught us that . .Family. It was you who trained me to always, always, be at my brother's side. To protect him like you never could do- to be what you never were to my father. My entire life was family. Family, and Kili. You made me that way. And then you changed. The moment you touched that key you became a king, and I, a prince. All those values I grew up with were cast away, forgotten, replaced. Love and compassion became responsibility and...And desperation to take back Erebor. I'm angry because you didn't understand why I insisted on staying behind with him." Fili finished, staring at Thorin with hurt and pain-filled eyes. He turned to Kili's grave, and with nothing left to stand for, collapsed to the ground. He rested his head on the cold black stone. "And now he's dead."

Thorin sat beside Fili. "Thank you, Fili...I understand now...I'm sorry." His words were hollow and cheap; little they did now, but Fili said nothing. Thorin pulled from his pocket and handed Fili Kili's obsidian talisman half. Together, they cried through the night.

* * *

I belong with my brother

Fili was the last one left. Thorin left a bit before the break of dawn; Fili deserved to be alone with his brother one last time. His back to the sky, the beautiful sunrise colors went unnoticed. The candles had lost half their height, and yet, they seemed to burn brighter than they had all night.

Fili sang to his brother the songs of their childhood. He re-told the stories of their reckless youth and spoke of the beauties of Erebor. Now, Fili sat, again in silence, searching for the right words. He watched as the candles slowly dripped yellow wax into their crystal holders and wished that he could sit their forever, and that the candles would never burn out. He wished he knew what else to say, and wished he could still cry; after a night of tears he had no more left. But most of all he wished for his brother. Kili belonged at his side.

Finally, Fili found those words he had suffered the entire night to find. He cleared his throat and spoke in a soft, sad voice. "When I stayed behind with you, at Lake Town...I thought the only thing I would lose was the chance to watch the doors to Erebor open for the first time in years. I would still see it, eventually. You were more important to me than being there with Thorin. I would stay until you healed, and then, together, he would climb the mountain and see Erebor's halls and splendors and treasures. But had I thought staying back meant never reaching the mountain, that it could only be one or the other, I still wouldn't have left your side. We belong together.

"It isn't fair that you are here. We should be inside, celebrating, singing, giving gold to the people of Lake Town... Living our lives. I like to think we would be counting the plates Bombor eats from by the dozen." Fili smiled. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't save you, brother. I'm sorry that it all happened this way. But, we made it. We finally made it, Kili. Yesterday, together, we climbed that mountain. Just like I said we would. Perhaps, when I join you, we can roam the halls of Erebor together."

Fili opened his hand, where the half of Kili's talisman that said "Return" in Dwarvish runes sat on his palm. He then leaned in close and kissed Kili's name on the tomb stone. "I love you brother, I always will. And I will always return to you." With a heart-wrenching smile, one last tear trailed down Fili's cheek as he blew out the candles.

_Oh, Misty Eye of the Mountain Bellow,_

_Keep Careful Watch of my Brother's Soul_

_And if the Sky should Fill with Fire and Smoke_

_Keep Watching Over Durin's Sons._


	2. I See Durin's Glory- Companion Poem

_(AN: This is another companion poem for the short story Amid the Candlelight. I hope you enjoy! It's a short haiku. ^.^ )_

The Lion and Wolf

By Katerina Rose

The Lion cub stays back

To be with his brother Wolf

Away from the light

Straying from his calling dreams

And leaving his world behind

Together ever more


	3. The Lion and the Wolf - Companion Poem

_(AN: This is another companion poem for the short story Amid the Candlelight. I hope you enjoy! It's a short haiku. ^.^ )_

The Lion and Wolf

By Katerina Rose

The Lion cub stays back

To be with his brother Wolf

Away from the light

Straying from his calling dreams

And leaving his world behind

Together ever more


End file.
